May 13th

Today we left the town where we stayed for the last week, it was very sad to say good bye to those sweet children, knowing that we’ll probably never see them again. I looked into the eyes of some of the girls I had created bonds with, even without words and just wanted to cry... I wanted to do more for them, offer them some hope for a better future. I wanted to leave knowing that they will be fed properly, that they will be clothed, loved that they won’t be cold in the nights in winter (it DOES get cold at night), that they would get education and teach others around them, their children, ... I wanted to take them in my arms and make promises I could not keep. It broke my heart so bad that I did something that I’m realizing I do a lot. I shut down. I didn’t let it go to my heart. I looked away. I made myself think of it no further... until now because I am witting about it. I guess I don’t have any real way to deal and process that kind of poverty in my mind. I have nothing to compare it to in my own life. I don’t get it. Oh yes I’ve had very little at times. But that’s in our North American standards. Our resources run so deep that even if I was to give all that I have away, I would still be able to get health care, just because I’m Canadian. I would be able to get food at soup kitchens. I would be able to get clothes through so many organizations and same goes for shelter. I am wealthy, even if I would have nothing. I had never thought of it that way. At home, there is nothing I could do that would leave me in a situation worse than those people are. How is that fair?

We need soup kitchens here, we need clothes here, we need shelters, we need blankets HERE. These people are starving, these people are dying. And I don’t know what that means for me. I don’t know how that changes me. I don’t know if I want to let it change me. I am quite enjoying my life how it is thank you very much. I am so rooted in wants and desires and hopes and dreams... Could I let go? What if it meant that it could help them? Would I then? Yes. But the truth is I don’t know how to help them. It’s a large problem and I feel alone. I feel like it would take many “me” to make a difference. They need long term change and for that they need to be educated, but how do you teach people who don’t seam to want to learn? Yet can you just let them die because they don’t learn? It seams wrong. It’s all wrong. My heart ache. I need to pounder this more and get back to you!

The roads we traveled today are worse than the ones we traveled before and those were bad. This is truly the jungle with trees in the MIDDLE of the roads and a path just barely big enough for a bike, so that the truck is actually half in the bush. It’s ridiculous! But we laugh about it. Had it not been for how much pain I was in, I might have enjoyed it too. I am still very sick and weak. It’s getting old!

This afternoon we stopped in a small town where there are 160 orphans in the program they run there. We arrived and went to what I’m assuming is their church building and watched the children sing. It was beautiful! After they were done, we handed out small gifts to the orphans like Teddy bears, cars, bracelets, ... they were so happy, and soon created mass chaos. We had to stop the process many times and regain order! We then gave packs to 17 of the most needy orphans who have lost both parents. They were VERY excited about their gifts, I’ve never seen children smile so big in my life!!!!!!! It was very cute.

We didn’t have much time there because we had to make it to our final destination for the day and make camp where we would spend the week and and where Rick would teach the seminar again so we left.

Once we arrived to this town where we thought the seminar was supposed to be held, no one knew of this pastor we were looking for, the one in charge of the whole thing. We asked quite a few people and then finally found his son! He said he had to buy some pants and then we could follow him. I’m learning that delays are a very normal Mozambiquan thing :) So we waited and followed this guy on his bike (well us in our truck, HIM on his bike) through the narrowest road and wondered where on earth were we going. We past Portuguese house after Portuguese house that had been abandoned and not kept up. So sad.

Finally we arrive to where we are to set camp for the week-end. First thing I notice is the mosquitoes, oh my! It’s like Manitoba out here ;) Second thing I notice, is that they have built us a little area with TOILETTES (well a hole) and showers (well... walls so we could wash, showers is a bit of a broad term...)!!!!!! I was so excited in my feverish state about all those luxuries!!!! I had seriously wished we had something like this at the other camp because the “bathrooms” were so far away and when you don’t have very much energy already, this was a God-sent :)

We set up camp and let me tell you the site is beautiful, the sun is setting behind the gorgeous mountains, it’s awesome! The only problem is that I’m half passed out in a chair so I can’t really help and feel rather useless. I hate being sick.

Around 9:00 p.m. a group of children came and sang for us. I’m only assuming they were children because we could not see them. It warmed my soul :)